Pitch Perfect – Please Help!

With a Twitter Pitch Party on January 25, and Writer’s Digest’s Dear Lucky Agent Contest both fast approaching (and both of which may be worth looking into if you have a manuscript ready to go), it’s time for me to put my 71,000 or so word novel into 140 characters. For the math nerds out there, if I’ve calculated correctly, that amounts to reducing my novel to four ten-thousandths its original length. I’m going to need some help here.

Please tell me which of the following lines would make you most likely to want to read more. Any constructive criticism – “combine this,” “that sounds dumb,” “what about…” –  is welcome!

  1. Cast out of her village, an aspiring warrior joins a stranger’s army, little knowing how much is at stake or how great her role will be.
  2. By stranger betrayed and village shunned, young Grit, once a promising warrior, fights to trust the only one who can bring peace to her land.
  3. In a stranger’s castle, a disillusioned warrior finds courage, hope, and a reason to fight for the village she swore to forget.
  4. After building a new life in a stranger’s palace, a young warrior learns she must return home to fight for the village that scorned her.
  5. Betrayed, shunned, and finally welcomed into a stranger’s palace, young warrior Grit finds courage, honor, and a reason to fight for the village she swore to forget.

Watch for a short “back cover blurb” to be posted later this week, giving more information about this project. For now, since this is all I get to tweet, it’s all you get to read. Please, please, please let me know if you find any of them particularly intriguing!

Thanks, and best of luck to you if you decide to give either contest a go!

5 thoughts on “Pitch Perfect – Please Help!

  1. Pingback: Waiting for a Name

  2. I like #1… for me, it is simple, honest, and cuts to the point… It is telling me that something great is in store for the aspiring warrior, and I am interested. #4 is not bad… the others sound contrived to me. Pitch away, Lisa… good luck… may the Force be with You.

  3. I’m probably coming to this too late, but I like no.1 best. It’s tantalising and draws the reader in more than the others.

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