Friday Fictioneers: Mr. and Mrs. Right

Just the other day, I was thinking it would be fun to write a story about a “Backup Plan” marriage – two people who promised to reconnect so many years later and marry each other if they weren’t already married. Today’s Friday Fictioneers photo prompt provided the perfect opportunity to play with that idea. (And don’t worry, Wise and Wonderful Sister, this is a way, way, way back burner story idea!)

Thank you for reading and please do leave any constructive criticism in the comments section!

PHOTO PROMPT © C.E. Ayr

PHOTO PROMPT © C.E. Ayr

 

Mr. and Mrs. Right

E48.

We used to wait for the bus here. Four short years, thirty long years ago. We carried each other through countless high school crushes—two of hers to every one of mine—but we never loved each other, not like that.

“Michael?”

“Abby?”

Tiny wrinkles stretch across her forehead and shoot from her amber eyes like rays from the sun.

“You’re bald,” she says, as if the mirror hasn’t been telling me the same for years.

I pull the ring from my pocket, a promise we made thirty years ago. “Sorry you never found Mr. Right.”

She takes the ring and slips her hand into mine. “Maybe I did.”


Friday Fictioneers (n): A world-wide community of writers addicted to writing 100 word stories based on a photo prompt provided by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. 

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29 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers: Mr. and Mrs. Right

  1. This is a great story, I especially like the end statement. It’s like a happy ever after.. a kind of Hollywood end. One thing that I really cannot answer is if I would have understood the plot as quickly without the intro, I know it’s too late for me, but I think the promise should have been placed a little earlier. But it is really a great idea for a story.

  2. Really sweet. Enjoyed this – last line was brilliant.

    C – Only bit I would possibly change are the second and third paragraphs. For me the characters saying the other’s name doesn’t add much. Could maybe then have “Tiny wrinkles now stretch across…” to make it clear that was then and this is now. Thanks for sharing, see you next week.

  3. Cute and romantic story – warmed the heart. C- I guess reading the intro first primed me for the story .Without that intro – I may have needed a little hint somewhere on what the promise could have been.

  4. I can’t imagine how that would work out. We see much talk of arranged marriages and marriages of convenience. This is both of those, yet different, because bride and groom are the protagonists. People change. Much as I hate to pour cold water on the romance, I find it hard to believe they can change and grow together, whilst apart. Interesting idea though: well done.

    • Thanks for the comment, and I agree that such a relationship would have some serious challenges. In a larger work, I’d address pushback from family and friends, rediscovering one another (and all the flaws and annoying idiosyncrasies they either never grew out of or developed over the years), and the complexities of two independent people learning to live together. I don’t think it would be all butterflies and roses, but then, love rarely is. 😉

  5. I enjoyed the story and loved the ending where I was left with the impression that she had loved him all these years and waited on purpose as she knew he was Mr Right. Did make me think though that they wasted a lot of time being apart for thirty years.
    C- The line ‘tiny wrinkles…” doesn’t work for me although I love the imagery. The way the sentence reads to me is that wrinkles are coming out of her amber eyes (making it sound like they are coming from out of the coloured bit of her pupil. Haven’t got a suggestion for how you can alter it and keep the imagery and also the 100 words.) Otherwise it was great.

  6. I’m a bit undecided. On first read, under the impression of the intro, I thought it’s lovely, and it is, the writing is smooth, and romantic and drew me right in. But on second thought and more careful reading I started to wonder–I would not have understood the backup marriage plan without the intro, and then why marry at all? It is, however, an interesting concept and keeps me wondering, which is great.

  7. Loved it. Very tomantic & sweet; very Hollywood – but then i just caught “My Best Friend’s Wedding” on Netflix last week. Similar premise. I think you did a fine job of showing the then vs now aspects, though the intro helped a bit.

    • Thanks, Kyla! Assuming you’re the Kyla I think you are, a) it’s always a pleasure to speak with your group, and b) I was talking with some of the parents yesterday about using photo prompts like this to generate story ideas. I probably won’t ever do anything more with this story – Remember talking about how some stories will spark something in you and some won’t? – but sometimes just 100 words can set the stage for an entire novel.

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