Friday Fictioneers – The Heartbreaker

 Photo Copyright-Ted Strutz

 

The Heartbreaker (100 words)

“I got the good stuff,” one of the boys boasted, “in celebration of Jen’s first time.”

“I shouldn’t. My heart…”

Her voice was sweet, pure, innocent. Angelique steeled her nerves.

“Aw, Jen,” the boy begged. “Your heart hasn’t given you trouble for years, but your pout is about to break my heart.”

“Oh, alright. Just this once.”

Angelique followed and watched as each of them inhaled the white powder. She felt Jen’s heart racing in her own chest. By the time it was over, only Angelique remained.  As she clasped Jen’s cold, lifeless hand, Angelique’s delicate fingers pulsed with heat.

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35 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – The Heartbreaker

    • Ahh…. I’m going to go with some sort of angel, with the disclaimer that this isn’t a theology lesson. 😉 If I ever weave this into a full-length book, I’ll probably write up a little prologue outlining what I believe, what I don’t believe, and what I’m not sure about in the areas of God, angels, and death. The problem with writing – especially fantasy/paranormal/speculative fiction… whatever you want to call it, and especially if one is of a particular faith – is being honest and creative without offending the sensibilities of both those who share your faith and those who don’t. I’m always a little nervous that I’m going to dive off the deep end for some while exasperating others with worn-out religious lines.

  1. Well that wasn’t what I expected but I enjoyed it and it made me wonder about the whole persona of Angelique, so it’s good to leave the reader with a question in their head. Nicely done 🙂

  2. That was a really startling piece! I had to read it a couple of times to let it sink in. Very powerful, and I still can’t decide whether Angelique is a good angel or a bad one. Nice work.

  3. Dear Ted,

    This was without a doubt one of your best. I’m glad I’ll be able to talk to you about it in person. I did not think of Angelique as an angel, though now that I think on it, her name points that way. To me it was simply four teens making a terrible mistake and a good writer at his peak with word choice, pacing and story.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • I’m not Ted… I looked back at my post and realized the photo credit (which was Ted) was not as clearly connected to the photo as it should be. (Sorry, Ted!) Hopefully, it is clearer now.

      Thank you for the comments on my story. If I’d had more space, Angelique would have been perusing the tables as she eavesdropped on the group, waiting to perform her duties. As it is, it does seem like she’s one of the teens.

  4. i’ve hear several stories of people dying the first time they tried certain drugs. it does happen, but i think it wasn’t her first time. however, i think angelique had plans for a night with jen.

  5. This is scary. I liked the way you described the whole scene, The nervousness of the situation came across very well. And drugs… I don’t even feel sorry for Jen. Good work!

  6. That must have been some “dirty street” dope to have them suddenly die…especially after only a first dose. Too sad. Too real. I’m #46 on the list.

    • I figured the same, but also hinted at Jen having some sort of heart issue that would make drugs even more dangerous… Either way, I agree – too sad, too real. Even if drugs don’t lead to death, they can really mess up life.

      Heading off to check out yours!

  7. Angelique appears to be a demon, or evil spirit, out to destroy Jen, who is apparently “sweet, pure, innocent”, and it seems that Angelique succeeds. Regardless of who/what Angelique is, this story is a chilling example of the peer pressure teens face about drugs. It’s a very interesting and well written take on this week’s prompt.

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